Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
