I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
