THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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