the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
