Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
