the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
