Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
