ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
