he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
