I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
