I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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