I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you win again, gameday.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
