Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
