Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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