Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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