I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
