respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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