I hate your face
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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