He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I am one with the molecules
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
