What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
