chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
