its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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