I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
