my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
