I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
