He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
