i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
