Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
