so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
