I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
