i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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