Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
