In America we eat man semen.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the day after is always just damage control
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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