I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
