Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
