so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
