the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
