Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
