week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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