hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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