you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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