Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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