So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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