YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
