My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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