don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
