i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
