the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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