I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
