My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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