with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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