everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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