I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
