We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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