I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
