I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
