guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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