so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
