New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
