U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
