Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
