i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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