he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
