speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just googled if crying burns calories
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
