turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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