He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
