how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
