So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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