nut hugger
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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