# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
